22 Short Stories About Central City
by defying3reason
Summary: A collection of unrelated short stories. New Chapter: Piper clears up a misconception about the gay community for Weather Wizard.
1. How the Rogues Met Kendra

**How the Rogues Met Kendra**

_A/N: Dr. Kendra is an original character of mine. She can be seen in the Pavement Cracks universe._**  
**

"What do you mean give him the amoxicillin! I'm fucking holding pieces of Sam's hand! He needs more than amoxicillin!" Len yelled into the phone. He was indeed holding a severed thumb and half a pointer finger as he spoke. "Get your ass over here, now!"

"It's okay Sam, it's gonna be fine." Mick was forcefully holding Sam still, as the Mirror Master was only adding to his blood loss alternating between staring at the stubs on his hand and thrashing violently.

Len blasted a bucket with his cold gun, filling it with ice, and put the pieces of Sam's hand into the bucket. He then shot a rag and handed it off to Mick. "Here Sam, put this on the stubs…easy now, calm down, you're okay."

"None of us are okay! We all got our asses soundly kicked." Roscoe grumbled.

"That's only because of bad timing." Piper shot back defensively. "It's not like anyone expected the Justice League to show up with Flash. He must have been meeting with them when he heard about our heist."

Len tossed another rag-turned-ice-pack at Roscoe, who wasn't expecting it and took it to the chin. "Oops, sorry." The tone was less than apologetic. "Heads up. Who else needs ice?"

"I could use a pack. I think Wonder Woman was trying to send me clear through that wall." Digger groaned.

The criminals did look the worse for wear. They'd been robbing a special exhibit at a museum, fully expecting the Flash, and had prepared for their adversary with several cooperative traps that had made some of them a touch overconfident. And Flash had arrived just about when they'd expected him, but he'd also had Wonder Woman, Batman, Green Arrow and Superman with him. The Justice Leaguers had mopped the floor with the Rogues, tossing them around for fun and clearly finding them to be no threat at all.

Not that they'd made a stellar impression. He'd denied it, but they were all fairly sure Digger had peed himself a little when Superman flew in through the hole Batman had made in the skylight.

Travis, their crime doctor, plodded into their hide out with a bag of supplies and plopped it unceremoniously onto their poker table. Blearily, he eyed the Rogues, counted something out on his fingers and then started chucking little orange bottles at them. "Take as needed until you're all better. Can I go home and sleep now?"

Len trained his gun on Travis. "First sew Sam's fingers back on."

Travis sighed melodramatically and approached the couch, where Mick still had Sam in a death grip. "Geeze, what'd you do?"

"Got hit with a batarang, now fix it." Len thrust the bucket containing Sam's severed fingers at the doctor. Travis glanced at the bucket distastefully.

"Ew. Okay, um, Piper, can you make some music and knock Sam out for this?"

Piper held up his hands, displaying at least two broken fingers and a few nasty sprains. "Sorry, otherwise I'd have been calming him down."

"Well, this is going to go peachy. Alright buddy, ready to bite the bullet then?" Travis asked. Sam stopped groaning long enough to face the doctor with an expression of abject terror, visions of spreading infections and amputations in his head.

Then a stranger walked through the door that Travis had left wide open, a young woman in a lab coat with a neat looking briefcase and a medical bag. Her heels clicked on the cement floor as she confidently walked up to Captain Cold.

"Hello there! My name's Dr. Kendra Phaneuf, but you can call me Kendra. I'm just settling into the Central-Keystone area and I thought you boys might be in need of my services."

The Rogues stared at her, somewhat befuddled by her entrance. Travis recovered first.

"Just one minute sweetheart, they've already got a crime doctor and that'd be me!"

"Mm, which is why I thought they might like a new one. Maybe a competent physician? I've got references." She extracted some papers from her briefcase and handed them around the room.

"I'm a perfectly competent physician!" Travis bristled. Dr. Kendra snorted.

"I think Mirror Master would argue with that if he weren't already delirious with pain. Speaking of which, I can take care of that free of charge as a demonstration of my abilities. You boys sit back and read my references while I patch your friend up, okay?"

Len looked down at the references, which were actually pretty impressive (Catwoman found her skilled and professional), then around at the others. Mark shrugged and took a seat on the coffee table, as did Digger, while Piper and Mick retreated to do as Kendra suggested and look through her paperwork. Even Roscoe seemed okay with letting the strange woman patch up their cohort, so Len nodded and left her to it.

Travis paced back and forth, shooting nervous glances around the hideout and mumbling to himself about Kendra's nerve and how he was a perfectly good crime doctor. He finally sat down by the door and started fiddling with one of his bottles.

"Done." Kendra smoothed back some of Sam's hair affectionately before packing her supplies back up. "I gave him a dose of one of my personal cocktails of pain meds, so he's going to be a bit loopy for the rest of the night. One of you boys should probably help him get home tonight."

"Not a problem." Mick said.

Len picked up Sam's wrist and inspected the stitching. "You reattached the fingers that fast?"

"If you'll look at my resume, you'll note that in addition to standard medical school and interning, I've also spent some time in Metropolis working at STAR labs. I've been able to pick up both products and procedures that aren't exactly standard but highly effective. Mirror Master sweetie, can you flex your fingers for the good Captain?" She asked. He drooled a little doing it, but Sam wiggled all his fingers. Len's eyes widened.

"Well boys, whaddya say? I think we got a new doctor."

"Now just one minute Cold!" Travis spluttered indignantly. "I have been providing you fellas with invaluable services and you're just going to replace me with some peppy little upstart?"

"That about sums it up." Mark said with a nod.

"She's easier on the eyes too, never hurts eh?" Digger said to Mark, in a voice that he at least thought was quiet. Kendra rolled her eyes.

"So you know Boomerang hon, I do carry pepper spray on me at all times. I assume you're already reasonably familiar with its effects?"

"I, um…well yeah, but-"

"Super! That saves us some trouble then doesn't it? Travis, don't you have places to be? I'd suggest looking for a new client base, personally." Kendra said sweetly. Travis glared at her.

"I'm not letting you steal my clients."

"And just what do you think you're gonna do to the lady?" Mick asked. Flabbergasted, Travis spluttered indignantly for a few seconds before throwing a bottle of amoxicillin at Kendra's head. Len deflected it easily and Mark called up a warning bolt of lightning that zapped the wall just behind Travis.

"Well. I'll just be on my way then." Travis hugged his bag to his chest and ran from the hideout.

Beaming, Kendra set up some basic supplies on their poker table and settled into one of the folding chairs. "Alright boys, I can set up payment plans for anyone who doesn't have the funds on them to settle their debts tonight. You look like you all need at least a little work, but Piper sweetie, I'd like to start with you and get those broken fingers set."

"D'ya drink coffee Kendra?" Mark asked.

"Black with six sugars, but if you're referring to that instant stuff on your counter then the answer's an emphatic no." Kendra started gently flexing Piper's fingers, seeing how far they'd move. "Sorry dear, just figuring out what I'm working with."

"It's okay." Piper lied while his eyes welled up.

"I can make a Starbucks run for you." Roscoe offered.

"You're an absolute doll. I'll take a soy vanilla latte, no whip. And I wouldn't say no to an extra shot of espresso. Okay sweetie, this is an easy fix. We'll have you hypnotizing capes again before the week is out."

"Dr. Kendra, you got contact information in here?" Len asked.

"Top of the resume darling." Kendra answered.

"Good, good." Len mumbled, flipping back to the first page of his packet. "Welcome to Central City kid. We're gonna give you a lotta work."


	2. Piper and Nightwing on a Ski Slope

**Piper and Nightwing on a ski slope**

_A/N: This one's set sometime after a longer fic of mine called Do I Seem That Desperate. If you're not reading that one, then all you need to know is that Wally set Piper and Nightwing up on a team up. Set in that hazy point towards the end of __Mark Waid's run._**  
**

"Hartley you're not dressed right." Jerrie said with a frown. Hartley glanced up from his book, made an effort not to laugh, and buried his nose back in the book before he replied.

"Mother bought your ski outfit, didn't she?"

"Yup!" Jerrie did a twirl, showing off her pastel pink ski suit trimmed with lacey white bows. Rachel Rathaway seemed to be having a hard time dealing with her daughter's descent into puberty; she seemed to be clinging to the idea that her late-in-life-baby was still four. Hartley made a mental note to talk to his mother about Jerrie's clothes later.

"Hartley!" Jerrie tugged on his arm. He looked up at her with a scowl. "Aren't you gonna come ski with me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because your big brother would rather sit in the room all day being important and pretentious with his books than spend quality time with his baby sister." Rachel said. She walked past her children to the dresser and straightened the sunglasses she'd perched in her perfectly groomed auburn hair. "And Hartley, your sister looks darling in her suit."

"You don' wanna spend time with me Hartley?" Jerrie asked, her large blue eyes welling with tears. Hartley shot a glare at his mother's back before turning his attention to his sister.

"Course not Jerrie, Mom's just being stupid-"

"Hartley! Watch what you say to her. You know she can't tell when you're joking-"

"She's not the only one."

"What was that young man?"

"I'm not joking, you're being a cow! Of course I want to spend time with Jerrie, but I don't get why I should have to strap a couple boards to my feet and push down a mountain!" Hartley yelled.

"Because it's fun?" Jerrie said, voice sounding very meek. She chewed her lip and smiled hopefully.

* * *

A half hour later Hartley was taking his second ungraceful spill down the bunny slope with Jerrie, who thought he was flailing around on purpose. "You don't hafta ski funny anymore Hartley, you can do it like this now if you want." And Jerrie pushed off smoothly, gliding down the little hill without the slightest waver.

Hartley picked himself back up and patted some powdery snow off the front of his jacket. "Well that was fun sweetheart. Want to go into the lobby and have hot chocolate yet?"

"You're being really funny today! Come on, let's try a biggerer hill."

"Oh joy."

Hartley spent the morning alternating between humiliating himself on increasingly steeper slopes and trying to talk his sister into going back to the lobby. Jerrie seemed to be enjoying herself immensely and Hartley didn't want to destroy her illusion that the bonding time was being mutually enjoyed.

Although they could easily bond over hot chocolate in front of a fireplace too.

"Can we go up there?" Jerrie pointed to one of the lifts.

"Oh, I don't think so Jer. That's for one of the really big slopes."

"Yeah. I guess your funny skiing wouldn't really work on the big big ones. Um…could we ride the thing though just to see the mountain? I wanna be up high…it'd be fun."

Well. If they were riding the lift, they wouldn't actually be skiing.

"Yeah, we can do that."

* * *

"Lookit all the trees! I wonder how many birds nests there are on the whole mountain. Do you know how many birds there are Hartley?"

"I don't know Jerrie." Hartley leaned his head against the cool metal pole connecting their bench to the line above them. He was starting to get a headache.

"I bet a lot."

"Sounds like a good guess. So after we finish seeing the mountain, do you wanna do another bunny run and head in?"

"I guess. Will you ski with me again tomorrow?"

"Maybe." Hell no, but he'd come up with a reason to duck out later. For now, the maybe was enough to keep the puppy eyes at bay. Jerrie contentedly rested her head on Hartley's shoulder and watched the mountain pass under them in silence. It was actually rather pleasant.

Then the adolescent boy fell from the sky and landed in Hartley's lap.

"Eeeek!" Jerrie screamed. Hartley's instinct was to grab the boy around his waist to keep him from falling. This resulted in the boy basically straddling Hartley, their faces about an inch apart. Hartley stared wide eyed into the whited out lenses of a domino mask. The kid was dressed pretty bizarrely overall; canary yellow half-cape, pixie boots and no pants. Jerrie scooted as far as the bench would allow, looking rather frightened.

"Sorry." The stranger said, looking first at Hartley and then at Jerrie. "I didn't mean to startle you guys, but I got knocked off the Batplane without a grapple and you guys were a lot closer than the ground, so I aimed my fall towards you. Thanks for the catch."

"Uh, you're welcome, um…okay…" Hartley said slowly, not sure what to do. He had no idea how that was supposed to explain anything.

"Hi. I'm Jerrie." Jerrie held out her hand and the boy shook it.

"Robin. Um…you guys don't know who I am, do you?"

"Nope. You're dressed really fun. I like your cape."

"Thanks, I like it too. Well, I mean it gets stuck in things sometimes but-"

"Could you please get off my lap?" Hartley asked.

"Huh? Oh, sure, sorry bout that. Um, here, let me…oops." Robin had a hard time scooching in between the siblings on the small lift chair but managed it. Jerrie immediately started playing with the cape, making whooshing noises. Hartley turned and looked very pointedly at the ground passing under them to the right.

"Don't worry guys. I'll just ride with you to the top of the mountain and then I'm sure Batman'll pick me up after that. I'll be out of your hair real quick."

"You know Batman?" Jerrie asked. Robin frowned.

"You've heard of Batman and not me? Geeze, I'm his partner."

"We're from Central City, we don't get much news about the costumed heroes." Hartley explained. "But you're so young. How long have you been working with Batman?"

"I'm not that young!" His voice cracked during his exclamation, and his cheeks reddened. "I'm fourteen. I've been working with Batman for ages now."

"Can I play with you and Batman? I can help." Jerrie offered. She pulled her sunglasses down, clearly in imitation of Robin's mask.

"Sorry Jerrie, but you need to train a lot before you can work with Batman."

"Oh. What kinda training?"

"Well you need to read a lot of really boring books so you can learn how to be a detective, and then you gotta-"

"You should take Hartley!" Jerrie said brightly. "He reads boring books all the time! And he's really, really, really like super smart and he builds cool things. I bet Batman'd love him."

"Maybe." Robin said noncommittally.

"Hey, wait. Batman's a crime fighter." Hartley said. Robin nodded, obviously wondering where he was going with such an obvious statement. "And you work with him…are we near a crime? Are we in a dangerous situation?"

"Um…okay, so this is gonna sound kinda bad." Robin slid down in the seat a little. "I, um…I wasn't supposed to be on the plane to begin with, and the reason why I didn't have a grapple is because I'm not supposed to be wearing the costume right now so it's not stocked up…I was just…"

"Out joyriding and crashed?" Hartley guessed, thoroughly unimpressed.

"Not joyriding, more like stowing away. _Batman_ is working, but um, he wanted me to hang in and enjoy the ski trip, but I mean you can only sit in the stupid lobby and read for so long before you wanna get out and stretch your legs..."

"You're here on vacation too?" Jerrie asked.

"Mm hmm."

"If you wanted to stretch your legs, why didn't you just ski?" Hartley asked.

Robin shrugged. "I kinda suck at it. Seriously, I eat powder on the bunny hill. I don't think it's possible to suck as hard as I do at skiing."

"Hartley's really funny on the bunny hill!" Jerrie said with a giggle. "He pretended like he was going to hit a tree, just to make me laugh."

Robin grinned while Hartley flushed. "I've eaten a fair bit of powder too."

"Can you stay and play with us for awhile Robin?" Jerrie asked.

Robin considered. He sat up in the seat, scanning the skies for the Batplane. "I dunno. I should probably head back to our room and wait to get chewed out for falling out of a moving plane without a grapple."

"He's probably worried about you." Hartley agreed.

"Meh. He's probably more worried I'll mess up whatever he's working on. Oh hey, we're getting near the top. Time to hop down."

* * *

Several Years Later…

Dick was halfway through changing out of his Nightwing costume and into pajamas when he heard knocking at his front door. He hurriedly finished the transition to PJs and went to see who was calling at the ungodly hour of four in the morning.

Piper was waiting for him with a couple coffees, one half empty. "I was hoping to catch you as you were just getting in."

"You managed." Dick accepted a coffee and leaned over for a peck hello. "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon. Is something up?"

"Kinda, sort of…it's not a big deal." Piper went to sit on the living room couch, a dozen or so nervous tics all erupting at once and catching Dick's attention like glaring signals instead of the subtle unconscious cues they were.

"What's up?"

Piper took a deep breath. "My baby sister's turning twenty one and my parents are throwing her a big birthday party at a location of her choosing. I know we said we were going to be slow because of the long distance, and that a family obligation isn't really slow, but I also really want to reintroduce you to Jerrie and I don't get many opportunities to see her."

"Why not?"

"Things are still a bit touchy with my parents even though we've mostly made up, but they're always worried I'll do something to mentally corrupt my sister. She's a little slow, and they act like it's the most tragic thing…" Piper shook his head. "So anyway, Jerrie chose a ski lodge in the mountains and I'm clearly allowed one guest." He tossed Dick a hand drawn invitation.

Dick looked at the childish scrawl in the card and took a sip of coffee. Then something else Piper had said struck him. "Wait, what do you mean reintroduce? Have I met Jerrie before? I know you've talked about her a couple times already, but that's not-"

Piper grinned. "You really don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"It was ages ago, just before I went to college for the first try actually. My family was on a vacation at a ski resort-"

"And I fell onto your lift. Oh god, I do remember that now." Dick laughed under his breath. "I'd forgotten all about that. Oh, Piper…I _still _suck at skiing. Which is impressive. It's not like I'm not coordinated or anything like that."

"Eh, I'm pretty sure I still suck too. Jerrie's rather good at it though. Don't worry, we'll spend maybe a half hour actually on the mountain with Jerrie, and then the rest of it alone in a luxurious hotel room…" Based on the leer, Dick's mind had gone exactly where Piper had wanted it to.

* * *

"Hartley!" Jerrie let out a surprised screech and ran across the hall her parents had rented to throw her arms around her brother's neck.

"Oof!" Piper gingerly extracted himself from the strangle-hug and kissed her cheek. "Hey birthday girl. Wow, someone's over-stimulated." He joked. Jerrie's smile didn't waver.

"Mommy said you might not be able to come to the party, she said you were gonna be busy. I'm glad you're not busy Hartley. I really wanted you here for my birthday." She hugged him again, and thus missed most of Piper's scowl.

'Mom said what now?' He thought sourly. He looked around the hall, which was mostly empty since the Rathaways (or more specifically the men they'd hired) were still setting up. Rachel was snapping her fingers impatiently at a man mostly obscured by rainbow balloons.

Actually, a lot of the decorating scheme was rainbow colored. It looked a little more like a Pride than a birthday party. That was odd. Piper turned his attention back to Jerrie. "Hey princess, did you pick out the balloon colors?"

"Mm hmm. I really wanted you to come, and I know you like rainbows even though you're a boy so I told Mom I wanted rainbows. She wasn't very happy about it."

Piper snorted. "Good instinct Jerrie." He said, watching her face light up. "Rainbows are…awesome."

"Did you bring your guest?" Jerrie asked. "I wanna meet your friend if you brought one."

"I did, but he's meeting me here. He might not be able to stay for the entire time, but he wants to meet you too."

"Okay. Let me know as soon as he gets here. I'm gonna get a soda Hartley. Do you want one?"

"Okay." Piper hung awkwardly by the doorway while Jerrie skipped over to the bar to get their sodas. Unfortunately for him, both of Piper's parents descended on him at once.

Rachel thrust a rainbow balloon at him. "This is your influence at work, I take it?"

"Hello Mother. It was a long trip, but the scenery made it nice. I'm generally well." He answered sarcastically.

"Now Hartley, there's nothing wrong with, er, your _inclinations _but you know we'd rather Jerrie not know about them in any kind of detail." Osgood said carefully. It had clearly taken him a lot of effort to say what he'd said, a sharp reminder to Piper that his parents loved him in spite of who he was, not because they understood or accepted his traits. Still, it was the compromise they'd all decided to live with.

And he was here, with Jerrie, something that he'd been denied for six years. He took a breath and let the sting go.

"Come on Mom, I don't think Jerrie even gets what the rainbows mean. She just liked them because they made her think of me. And _someone_ told her that I might not be showing up." He shot his mother a look. "Even though I RSVPed."

"Yes, well…Hartley, you're one of those, oh, those costumed people. Things come up. I didn't want her to get her hopes up, that's all." Rachel touched his arm, and then opted for an actual brief and awkward hug. "I am glad you made it though. It is nice to have the family together every now and then."

"Now, on the RSVP you did say you were bringing a guest." Osgood said. "It's not the Flash, is it? If it is, we should probably place a call to the caterers and see if we can double the order."

Piper laughed. "No, I didn't bring Wally-"

"Oh Hartley, it's not some fling, is it?" Rachel asked, frowning. Piper's face fell. "Well I'm sorry dear, it's just hard for me…all of your cousins and the children you played with growing up, they're all married and making grandchildren for their parents, or they're about to be married. Your cousin Emily just got engaged."

"Good for Emily. You know, if you'd written to your legislators like I asked or used any of your clout to try to fight DOMA, maybe I would be able to get married without having to move to Massachusetts or Canada."

"Hartley, this really isn't the time or the place for this discussion." Osgood said. Jerrie was walking over to them with the sodas. "Let's all pretend to be a happy family, shall we?"

"First I want to know who your guest is." Rachel insisted. "I don't think it's too much bother to check that you brought someone appropriate for the party."

"Of course." Piper answered brightly. He judged by Jerrie's slow and careful steps with the full cups that he had a few minutes before she'd hear their argument. "My new boyfriend's a street performer during the day and a dominatrix themed drag queen at night. He does a wonderful act making condoms into balloon animals and swallowing bizarrely phallic statuary."

Rachel and Osgood's eyes widened in horror. Their son being an ex-super villain and current part time super hero who got involved in all kinds of ridiculous adventures, they couldn't take anything he said for granted as a joke. Piper was aware of that.

"Well that sounds all kinds of interesting." Dick spoke up suddenly. Piper turned around, a startled smile on his face. He'd been so caught up with his parents that he hadn't heard Dick walk in. They exchanged a quick kiss hello, Dick moving to stand just next to Piper, his body language a clear though not overstated signal of their relationship. Before the Rathaways could say anything Jerrie reached their cluster with the sodas.

"Here you go Hartley. Look Mommy, Hartley did make it! Oh, is this your friend?" Jerrie asked.

"Yes. Jerrie, this is Dick Grayson. Dick, this is my baby sister."

"I'm not a baby anymore Hartley, you've gotta stop saying that." Jerrie grumbled, but she put on a charming smile to finish her introduction to Dick. "I'm glad you came to my party. Would you like me to get you a soda too?"

"Sure."

"Okay. I'll be right back." She started back towards the bar, leaving Hartley and Dick to enjoy the looks of shock on Rachel and Osgood's faces.

"You're…er, you're the-" Osgood said, flustered.

"I'm not really a drag queen, street performer or dominatrix." Dick said with a laugh. "I think Piper was just messing with you."

"We know who you are." Rachel managed to choke out. "And please give my regards to Mr. Wayne. He threw an excellent fundraiser for those refugees last month."

"I will." Dick looked like he was enjoying himself almost as much as Piper.

"Well son, nice to see you and meet your, er, friend." Osgood said. "But your mother and I should probably leave you kids alone and finish getting this place in order." He took Rachel by the arm and steered her back towards the workers.

Piper burst out laughing, burying his face in Dick's shoulder as he did so. "Oh, that was amazing! Did you see them? I haven't seen them that flustered since the last time I got arrested."

"Yeah, that was fun. So they really don't approve of me, huh?"

"No, that's the thing!" Piper laughed. "You're from the same social circle as they are, they firmly believe in marriages as economic alliances and Dad's been trying to get in with Wayne Enterprises for ages, plus you're charming and polite…yeah, _they_ couldn't have picked someone they approved of more, you know, if one of us were female."

"Oh. So they're not okay with you being gay? What's with the rainbow theme then?"

"That's Jerrie. She doesn't really get it, and rainbows make her think of me." Piper answered. "And as for the gay thing…they're not as bad about it as they used to be, but they've still got some hang ups."

"Ah. So…it looks like there's still some time before the party starts. Want to head upstairs with me to that luxurious bedroom you were talking about earlier and help me settle in?" Dick asked, going from social mode to pervert mode at top speed.

Before Piper could answer with an emphatic yes, Jerrie bounced up to them with the soda. "Hartley, Dick! Mom and Dad said the party's not gonna start for two more whole hours. Do you want to ski with me?"

"I don't know Jerrie…"

"But it's my birthday and I never ever get to see you! Please?"

* * *

"Those puppy dog eyes could be weaponized." Dick grumbled.

"Can you please get your ski out of my ribs?" Piper asked. The two were in a heap just to the side of the bunny hill, while Jerrie glided past them in graceful contentment.

"Wow Dick, you skate as funny as Hartley does!"

END


	3. Bodily Kidnapping

_A/N: This fic makes reference to Countdown and Tomasi's run on Nightwing. You might get lost if you haven't read Countdown._

_

* * *

_

James was worried about Piper.

Of course, this was nothing new, really. Back when they'd first met he'd had a casual worry, more of a 'this is a really cool guy hanging with a bunch of assholes, I hope they don't rub off on him' kind of nagging than a genuine concern.

When he'd found out Piper was the only openly gay guy in the world of costumed villainy, he'd shifted to worrying about Piper's personal safety. And when Piper had started hanging with the Flashes and selling out his Society contacts James' worry had neared panic.

Still though, Piper had always made it work for him. He'd emerged from his early years of super villainy with a conscience and a sense of purpose the others had lacked. James' respect for Piper's resilience was a solid part of why he trusted him and thusly of their friendship.

This time though, James' worry was different. During all of the previous situations, James had been more worried by Piper's circumstances than anything else. Piper himself had been confident, on top of things (with the brief exception that had sent him to Breedmore Hospital). He'd smiled. The murder of his parents had taken a lot out of him, understandably so, but eventually he'd started to bounce back. And then the Wests had gone and disappeared into the speed force.

James had caught Piper staring at the photo from the twins' christening that he kept in his wallet more than once lately. It made him glad he was working the Rogues team up too, so he could keep an eye on him. As he'd suspected, Piper was twitchy, paranoid and just generally not doing well. It reminded him a little bit of the way Piper had acted before being involuntarily committed, and James didn't like it.

The paranoia was really ticking him off, actually. He'd tried just approaching Piper and rekindling their friendship (so things had ended poorly with the Feds, but they'd always been friends…right?) but that had just made him suspicious and secretive. So he'd blackmailed him, and now in Piper's pretty paranoid little head James had a reason to keep checking up on him (because he certainly wouldn't do such a thing out of genuine concern, that's was just crazy talk).

Piper appeared to genuinely believe that everyone who cared about him was either dead or lost to speedster Valhalla.

* * *

When James went to check up on Piper at his house, it was to find him with his face pillowed on his keyboard. The monitor didn't look particularly happy about it.

Scowling, James shook Piper's shoulder.

"Hmha?"

"Jesus H Christ on a pogo stick Piper, what are you trying to do to yourself?"

Piper eyed him blearily for a moment. "I'm…not ready to process you right now."

James picked up an open can of vegetable soup with a plastic spoon stuck in it. He didn't say anything, just glared. Defiantly, Piper glared back.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"This morning." Piper answered.

"Real food Piper, not Hot Pockets or any of your other hacker crap."

Piper held eye contact for almost a full minute before he ignored James in favor of rebooting his poor, abused computer.

James counted to five in his head, and when he was still pissed off he snapped Piper up in a yo-yo string cocoon.

"Hey-mrph!" Went Piper as the cocoon worked its way over his mouth.

"You have lost the privilege of looking after yourself." James announced. Piper glared at him and struggled against the bonds, but only succeeded in tipping his chair over. James cheerfully threw his captive over his shoulder and carried him out to the car.

* * *

"You know, I think you might actually be the moodiest hostage I've ever had."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"No, no. Pretty sure I do."

James had cut away some of the cocoon so that Piper could speak, but he hadn't done enough so that he could pick himself up when a sharp turn had him sprawled over the backseat. He was glaring at the back of the driver's seat, since he couldn't actually see James.

"Do you want me to put on some music?" James asked.

"I want you to take me home."

"You like music. I think I'll try the music first." James plugged in his I-Pod and put on the Beastie Boys. Piper started banging his head against the seat. "Oh come on, everyone loves the Beasties."

"I'm actually fond of the Beastie Boys, but I _want_ to go _home_! Did it occur to you that I might have been doing something important?"

"Well I think this is important. Everyone takes a mental health day once in awhile."

"I don't need a mental health day!"

"Yes you fucking do now shut up and start smiling!" James yelled back. Piper went quiet. "See? That's what you sound like all the time lately, and it's not pleasant. Now where do you want to go to relax?"

With effort, Piper carefully edged himself up so he could look out the window. "Where are we anyway?" They'd already been driving for some time.

"Um…dunno. I've just been going around aimlessly. I'll stop at the next gas station."

"You _could_ pay attention to the signs we're passing."

"Nag, nag, nag."

* * *

James came back from the shop at the rest stop with an armful of snacks and brochures. He cut Piper the rest of the way out of the cocoon and dumped everything on his lap. "So where do you wanna go?" James asked brightly.

Piper sifted through the brochures and finally tossed one at James. His face fell. "A museum? C'mon dude, there are water parks and shit in that stack!"

"You asked where I wanted to go, and if I'm going to take a day off to do something fun, that's what I want to do."

"There is nothing fun about the word museum." James said with vehemence.

"The whole point of this hostage road trip was to force me to take some me-time, right? Well I enjoy museums."

"Because you're a weirdo." James said. Piper quirked an eyebrow.

"…_you're_ really saying that?"

"Shut up. Get off my lawn." James mumbled. Piper laughed, actually laughed. James smiled, heartened at the effects of his merry hostage-taking. "Fine, we can go to the museum."

Piper visibly brightened.

"But I get to pick where we do lunch." James pouted.

* * *

"Well this is a tiny ass little place."

"It's the Cloisters, James."

"So?"

"So it was originally built in the 14th century in France and transported here brick by brick. Generally, the United States doesn't have architecture this historic. You normally have to travel to Europe to see something like this. Doesn't that excite you at all?"

"I'm going to the gift shop."

Piper frowned. "You're not coming with me?"

James chewed his lip. "I dunno dude, lunch and touring a museum together…seems a little gay."

"Go figure."

"I didn't abduct you for a romantic get away, so if you're getting all Stockholmy you can find your own way back." James paused as something about his joke occurred to him. "You know that, right? That this was a friendship kidnapping?"

"I know James." Piper answered patiently. "It's too bad. If we tour a museum together, that's a serious commitment. I mean, we'd have to have sex. And I've been harboring this secret desire for you all these years I've known you and never once hit on you during."

"Knew it." James laughed. "I'm still going to the gift shop."

"Fine. I'll catch up with you later."

* * *

"Piper?"

"Huh?" Piper turned around, eyes falling on Dick Grayson. He adopted a smile that hopefully wasn't so strained the inhumanly observant detective would notice. "Hi Dick. Didn't expect to see you here."

"Really? I'm the curator."

"Oh. Wow. Since when?"

"Well, we've been closed for remodeling, so actively only the past couple of weeks."

"Wait, don't you need to go to college to curate a museum?" Piper asked, sure he was being messed with.

"Usually, but if you've got a really rich ex-guardian you can guilt trip, you can totally buy the job too." Dick answered.

"Ah. You know, that sets a worrying precedent. I mean, I know you're qualified and all-"

"I wouldn't worry too much Piper. I think every well connected society boy without a masters who'd _want_ to buy a museum is standing in this room."

"True enough." Piper grinned, a genuine smile this time. "So no more modeling then?"

"Oh crap, you saw that?" Dick had the decency to look ashamed. "…I was in a weird place."

Piper lowered his voice for his next bit of teasing. "Weird enough to forget about your nightlife and the conspicuous bruising and scarring it entails?"

"Yeah…it sounded like a good way to make cash on my own though. At the time I really didn't want to keep crawling to Bruce."

"Well now I get to say I've dated a model, so it's all good."

Dick smiled. "It's really good to see you again Hartley."

"Yeah, it's good to see you too." He was surprised by his own sincerity.

"Are you going to be in New York for very long?" Dick asked.

"I don't know. I'll have to consult my kidnapper." Piper deadpanned. Dick eyed him with confusion, but before Piper explained, he noticed James looking lost by a nearby display of illuminated manuscripts. "James, how long were you planning on staying in New York?"

James shrugged. He looked at Dick, then back at Piper, but Piper ignored the questioning gaze.

"I think I have some time."

"Great. Want to meet for dinner and catch up?"

"That sounds lovely."

Dick slipped a business card from his pocket and scribbled a number on it. "Here's my cell. Call me around six. I'm trying to sneak out early tonight."

"Okay. Guess I'll see you later."

He was smiling giddily as Dick walked away. James approached him, a guarded expression on his face. "Did you just make a date with that kid?"

"He's not _that _much younger than me. Don't even."

"Who is he?"

"Um, actually an ex." Piper pretended to be very interested in the illuminated manuscripts (which were actually quite nifty).

"You really hit that?" James hissed.

"James, ssh! And yes." Piper answered smugly.

"Huh. Good for you."

"You don't mind, um, that I'm meeting him for dinner, do you? I could cancel-"

"No, it's cool. My goal was to get you out of your house and into human civilization again. Dates totally count. We should probably get a hotel room though."

* * *

James sat on one of the twin beds in the hotel room late into the night, staring at the ceiling with his hands folded and thinking over his friendship with Piper. He tried to convince himself that he wasn't waiting up for Piper, and even had himself close to believing that he didn't mind being ditched for a handsome younger man.

"I don't care, I don't care, I don't…why the hell do I care?" James snapped, frustrated. "It's not like _I _want to take Piper out on some fancy date to some fancy restaurant…right? No, no, I totally don't want any of that. We're friends. I just wanted to see him smile again." James closed his eyes, grimacing. "I'm straight, dammit. And since Piper's not a chick, I'm not jealous."

He continued waiting up for him though.

* * *

Piper crept into the hotel room around four in the morning, thoroughly surprised to see James propped up in bed fully clothed, including shoes. He realized James must have been waiting up for him.

"James?" He gently shook his shoulder.

"Mmm…huh? Oh hey you. Damn, you were out late." James rubbed at his eyes. "How was the date?"

"Fantastic." Piper beamed. He sat down on the end of the bed and started recounting the night to James, completely missing his apathy-bordering-on-dislike. Piper told him about the trendy restaurant they'd gone to, followed by a walk through the city, a private tour of the museum, which broke off from romantic discussion to what almost counted as a lecture on allegorical tapestry imagery, and finally tapered off at the point where he and the curator had blatantly gotten frisky.

"Wait, did you do it _in_ the _museum_?"

"It wasn't comfortable, but it was pretty hot."

"This kid sounds like the worst curator ever."

"Probably. But it was fun." Piper said with a yawn. "Thanks James. I guess I really needed to get out. You're a good friend. Better than I deserve anyway."

"Shut up, I'm a kick ass friend because you're an amazing guy. So you seeing this kid again?"

Piper shook his head. "No, this was just a hook up. We broke up for a reason, after all. If we lived closer together I'd probably try to get a friends with benefits arrangement going." Piper smiled dazedly, fantasizing about convenient hook ups that weren't to be. James snorted.

"We should go to bed. Still have to drive back tomorrow for that meeting with Inertia."

"Fun fun." Piper scowled. "I can't wait until this is over. I'm not fond of running with the Rogues again."

"Well, any port in a storm right?"

"Yeah, yeah. G'night James."

* * *

**A Few Months Later**

James stumbled a bit jumping onto the moving train, but Piper caught him and helped him safely into the cargo car. They sat down between a couple of boxes, leaning against each other and catching their breath.

James was nearing his breaking point, so he knew Piper must be just behind him. He was sick of being shot at, sick of being double crossed and really sick of destroying his friendship with Piper just because of their frayed nerves. He wanted a shower, a real meal and a warm bed, and he needed a week away from Piper so he could stop hating someone he usually loved hanging out with.

"How are you doing?" Piper breathed.

"All new depths of suck. You?"

"That…pretty much sums it up. I suppose we should just be quiet for awhile and try to rest?"

"Works for me." James settled his cape around his shoulders like a blanket and tried to nap, but he was too tightly wound to sleep. Piper nodded off though, his head falling against James' shoulder.

When James entirely gave up on sleeping he fixed his cape over Piper and put an arm around him to steady him. He'd been nudging down from the rocking motion of the train.

'He looks terrible' James thought, and wondered how he looked himself. Being on the run hadn't been kind to either of them, he figured, but Piper looked like he'd aged at least five years, maybe ten. He was gaunt and his skin was sporting a gray pallor where it wasn't sunburned.

'Bet kid-curator wouldn't be so intent on seduction if he saw you now, huh?' James thought to himself. Then he scowled, aware that he was still harboring a bit too much ill will towards Piper's ex, and that he never, at any point should have cared about being ditched. Friends were generally glad for each other when they found hot hook ups, and he wasn't even sure if he could go so far as to call Piper his friend, not with the way they'd been treating each other lately.

Huh. That bugged him a lot for some reason. Then again, it's not like he had all that many more people in his life than Piper did. A few casual buddies left over from the FBI, some really old friends from his special effects technician stint (if they even remembered him anymore) and _maybe_ Blue Devil if he could ever track Danny down.

Whatever his not-friendship with Piper was, he needed to keep it. 'And maybe face my denial?'

James chewed his lip, thinking about it. After the dozen or so near death experiences he'd had recently, suddenly admitting he might have a crush on a guy he'd known and respected for years wasn't quite the anxiety ridden bombshell it had been. Thing was, he'd done a damn good job pissing Piper off with obnoxious homophobic banter, designed to both blow off steam and skirt his issues. He couldn't just shake Piper's shoulder and talk to him about it now.

Hm. Piper did know they were just stupid jokes, right? …maybe not. Damn. He was probably going to have to apologize, and he sucked at apologies.

The train had a particularly violent jerk, and Piper groaned his way towards wakefulness. "Nn…did something happen?"

"I think we turned or something."

"Ah. God, I could really use some sleep that was actually restful. Running on pure adrenaline for this long can't be good for you." Piper said. He looked down at the blue cape that had been placed over him and then glanced at James. James hurriedly put his cape back on.

"I wasn't sleeping." He shrugged, defensive. Piper didn't push it. "Personally I miss real food."

"You would." Piper snorted. "Must be killing you, eating substances akin to my 'hacker-fare'."

"Yeah, I suppose your digestive system is already used to sucking down whatever greasy substances it can find before running off again. I miss nutrients though." He sighed wistfully.

"Showers." Piper added.

"Going to the bathroom without risking electrocution if it's a roomy toilet stall."

"Privacy in general was nice."

"No, you know what the worst part of being shackled to you for weeks is?" James asked.

"The fact that it's me?" Piper guessed, a perfectly whiny response.

"Nope. People's perceptions. It's like I'm gay by proximity, you know?" James watched Piper's expression turn guarded, but now they were actually talking about it at least.

"Here we go again… You could always saw off your hand." Piper grumbled.

"Wasn't my hand I was thinking about. What? The gay jokes…they _stopped_ being funny?" He was surprised Piper didn't hit him.

"_Never_ funny here!" Piper snapped.

"Which is a shame, really, because riding the rails like some kind of nineteen-thirties tramp? I'm pretty sure I could've come up with a knee-slapper about how you've turned me _hobo_-sexual…"

"James, that is just…" Holy shit, he was actually smiling! Now to sneak in that apology…

"I know, Hartley, I know."

"What did you just call m-"

And then they were being shot at again, because of Deadshot's motherfucking timing. Normally James was a touch reluctant to kill. It wasn't because of morality per se, he was far from a beacon when it came to that stuff. It was more because killing someone always had messy consequences. Reputation, jail sentences, the thought of little Inigo Montoyas approaching you to avenge their fallen loved ones...

But he was just about done with Deadshot, and mightily pissed that his moment had been ruined, so hucking battery acid at his face and knocking him from a moving train sounded heavenly.

James just didn't anticipate being pulled from the train with him. Stupid cape.

Piper got a good grip on the door handle, but all that really did was send the shock cuffs into spasms. Sometime while Deadshot was crushing his face into the ground he managed to shake the pissy sadist off, but then the asshole aimed his parting shots _at Piper_. And James hadn't talked to him yet.

He had so much he needed to say. Hartley was _so_ not allowed to die!

"_**No!**_ Not him…not _now_!"

END


	4. Let's Go Literal

**Let's Go Literal**

_A/N: This was written for a friend from the prompt Large Ham. Just to warn you, it's a little crack-y._

* * *

"If you can't pay attention and do your job, I'm not going to team up with you anymore-"

"I thought Flash was actually hurting you! I got worried, so sue me!"

"You never got worried like that before, and it's making you sloppy!" Piper yelled.

"Yeah, and you're totally on your A game, right? Pausing your hypnotism long enough for Flash to snap out of it, that's normal work for you?" James returned.

Piper shook his head. "That's what I'm saying! If we can't handle working together now that we're in a relationship then we shouldn't try it. Let's face it, we see enough of each other as is."

James regarded Piper with a pleading puppy dog look. "You don't want to work with me anymore?"

Piper motioned to the prison jumpsuits they were both wearing. "I just want to avoid this. I don't actually enjoy breaking out of Iron Heights." He continued the jog up the stairs to the apartment, James just on his heels.

"We are so coming back to this discussion when you're less cranky." James informed him.

"I'm not cranky, I'm fresh from a Flash beating and a prison break! Any shortness of temper is completely justifiable because it was all _completely_ avoidable!"

'Cranky' James mouthed.

Piper rolled his eyes, and went to unlock their door, which easily swung open. "Huh. I distinctly remember locking that."

"Oh _come on_. Can't whoever's lying in wait to attack us wait until I've at least had a shower?" James whined.

"With our luck it's probably Flash waiting to take us back to Iron Heights. Damn, I liked this apartment too."

"I can see why. It's a nice place." The intruder said, stepping into the light. They both stared at the figure in the center of the living room, wondering exactly how tired they were.

"James…are you seeing…?"

"A sentient pig in a bowler hat? Yeah. That is what you're seeing too, right?"

"Yep. One large ham. Er, no disrespect intended." Piper assured the pig, who let out a snorting laugh, taking it well from the looks of it.

"I understand. I appear to be pretty out of place in your universe. That's why I hid myself as soon as I was able. Why don't you chaps step in and shut the door?"

It was a reasonable suggestion, so the two criminals entered the apartment, shut and locked the door, and sat down on the sofa across from their guest.

"I'm terribly sorry about breaking into your apartment, it's just that this was the first empty place I found in the building, and I needed some time to calm myself down after being transported here from my world. And I figured it would be easier to approach just a few of your people rather than a whole lot at once. I've noticed that my race is foodstuffs or minstrel fare here." He motioned to a Porky Pig video on the coffee table and an open cookbook. It looked like he'd spent his time alone doing some research with their things; there were quite a lot of open books and videos lying around the living room.

"Yes, that is the case, but um…well, our pigs don't talk." Piper explained. "As far as we can tell, they're not intelligent creatures."

"Oh." The pig glanced with confusion at the Porky Pig video. "But…the minstrel?"

"We make cartoons out of all sorts of animals." James said with a shrug.

"I see. The primates in my world aren't capable of much either. By the way, my name is Henry Rothington Waddlesworth. But I prefer Wade."

"I'm Piper and this is James."

"Pleased to meet ya. How'd you end up here anyway?"

Wade sighed. "Some kind of scarlet tinted demon pulled me here while I was teaching my son how to fish. I've never seen anything like it before-"

"Flash." The criminals said in unison.

"Excuse me?" Wade asked.

Piper got up and collected a newspaper. He dropped it on the coffee table in front of Wade. "He looked like this, right?" There was a picture on the front page of Flash bringing in a punchy looking Rainbow Raider.

"Yes, that appears to be the fellow. He was quite rude too. Once we stopped here I insisted he take me back home. He just stared at me and then ran off!" Wade huffed.

"I suppose it was disconcerting for him to see a talking pig." Piper said slowly.

"Plus he's an asshat." James chimed in.

"Yes, there's also that." Piper agreed.

"The two of you have already been much more helpful than he was, and after I broke into your home." Wade frowned. "My poor family must be terribly worried. I've never been gone this long before."

"It's okay Wade. We'll help you out." James promised.

"_James_." Piper hissed.

"What?"

Piper tugged him into the bedroom. "Don't promise something you might not be able to deliver on. I don't think we know anyone capable of interdimensional travel."

"Sam-"

"Can only go to mirror worlds."

"Oh." James frowned. "We're gonna hafta talk to Flash, aren't we?"

"I think so." Piper peeked towards the living room. "I mean, I _do_ want to help Wade, but…oh, whatever. It's not like Iron Heights is hard to break out of or anything."

"Mm. We're going to have to become good guys if they ever get competent with their security." James agreed.

They went back into the living room, James comfortingly patting Wade on the back. "Chin up buddy. We agreed to help you."

"You did? Oh thank you, thank you! Do you have a plan?" Wade asked.

Piper and James traded a look. "We're gonna hafta get the red guy's attention first." James said. "But don't worry, me and Piper are really good at that."

Wade smiled hopefully.

* * *

"Are you sure this isn't…illegal?" Wade asked.

"Oh, it's terribly illegal." Piper answered.

"Oh." Wade frowned. "But…but this is the only way to get the red demon's attention?"

"It's the easiest way." James said. "For us anyway."

"Hm. There seem to be a lot of people running away screaming." Wade pointed out.

"Yeah, they do that. Hey Piper, obese woman in a tube top and crocs!"

"Go for it."

"Hee hee hee!" James wound up and hit her with a fluorescent finger paint pie, coating her in gobs of gooey mess.

They'd taken a perch on top of the gazebo in the park and were committing random acts of mild mayhem, waiting for the Flash to strike. "Oooh, corporate father-son picnic!" James pointed towards the tables.

"On it!" Piper held up his flute and started making the businessmen do a fast paced conga line, depositing wallets and valuables at the foot of the gazebo as they passed.

Wade was getting progressively more nervous. "Aren't those things theirs? Are they going to miss them?"

"Don't worry so much Wade. If Piper weren't playing, he'd tell you all about how much worse of thieves those guys are than us." James assured him. "Ooh! Joggers!" He wound up to throw another pie, but was snagged up by a scarlet blur.

"It's the demon!" Wade yelled.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Yelled James, as he was hurled around the park at super speed.

Flash stopped and pinned him to a tree. "Didn't I just do this _yesterday_?"

"To be fair, the scheme you ruined yesterday was much more clever and well planned." Piper announced. He was standing behind them warily, holding a pipe defensively. Wade was cowering just behind him. "We just needed to get your attention."

"Why?" Flash snapped. James threw up on him, hitting the lightning bolt dead on. Flash scowled and dropped him.

"Oomf." Groaned James as he clutched his stomach.

"Er, hello there Mr. Demon." Wade carefully edged out from behind Piper's knees. Flash's eyebrows rising was just barely visible under his cowl.

"You're not a hallucination?"

"Er, no, I'm afraid not. These kind young men were just trying to get your attention so we could ask you to bring me back home. I was dragged to your world yesterday and I'd very much like to go home."

"He has a family that's worrying about him." Piper explained. "We figured that since he came here with you, you could probably get him back."

"I have been through a few different universes from the super speed." Flash said, reluctantly looking at the pig. "I'm not really sure if I'll be able to find yours on command though."

"Oh." Wade stared at the ground, absolutely dejected from the looks of it.

"Could you try?" James asked weakly. "The guy…he's a good guy. You should try. Piper I don't feel so well."

"I'm sorry James, I didn't think to bring the vertigo medication." Piper said apologetically. "Flash, you are going to try to help Wade, aren't you?"

"Of course! I'm the super hero here, of course I'm going to help him." Flash said, clearly insulted. "I've just got one thing to take care of first."

"What's that?" Piper asked.

There was a rushing sound, a lot of blurred movement, and when he was feeling less disoriented Piper found himself in an orange jumpsuit in a cell in Iron Heights again. "Son of a bitch!" He yelled. He peeked in at the cell next to him where James, also in a jumpsuit, was clutching his skull and groaning. "The perv undressed us again James!"

"I noticed…I think I'm gonna barf again."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the park Wade was staring in amazement at the spots his two new friends had occupied, and then jumped when the demon reappeared in front of him. "Good Gosh you startled me!"

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Flash asked.

"Wh-where are James and Piper?" Wade looked up at Flash with wide frightened eyes. "They're okay, aren't they?"

"Mr. Pig-"

"It's Wade."

"Sorry, Wade…Piper and James are criminals. I had to take them back to jail." Flash explained, as gently as he could.

Wade frowned. "I did…notice some peculiarities about them. But they don't really seem like _bad_ people."

"Well trust me, they are." Flash said with a derisive snort.

"They've done their best to help me. I…I don't know. I just wish you hadn't brought them to jail. Are they going to be okay?"

"Piper and Trickster? They'll be fine. They'll probably be back out in a couple of hours." Flash said with a disgusted frown. "Anyway, let's see what we can do about getting you back to your universe, okay?"

"Yes, yes, of course."

* * *

"Do you think we can sue Flash for sexual harassment?" James asked. "Or did we waive that right when we turned to a life of costumed villainy?"

"I'll tell you one thing." Piper commented as they walked up the stairs to their apartment. "We definitely don't have our due process rights respected. I mean, the trial's always an afterthought sometime after Flash has already sent us to jail, isn't it?"

"Mm. We should see about getting a lawyer."

Piper opened the door and they headed into the bedroom to de-jumpsuit. They were very startled to see Wade napping on their bed waiting for them. This time he was wearing an old brown derby. When they got closer they noticed that a smaller pig in a baseball cap was curled up against him.

Piper cleared his throat, and the two pigs woke up and looked at him.

"Oh! Terribly sorry to break in on you again." Wade said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it." James grinned. "Who's this?"

"My son, Wade jr. He wanted to meet the talking primates."

"Hi." Wade jr. chirped, then hid his face in his father's bulk.

"He's quite shy." Wade explained.

"It's okay." Piper grinned. "Does this mean you managed to make it home?"

"Oh yes, indeed I did. It, er, took a bit of doing. The Flash ended up getting one of his friends, a green man, to help us find the right vibrational frequency by scanning my mind and then linking us, or some psychic mumbo jumbo like that. All I really understood is that it worked. And when I got home I visited the university and told them all about my journey, and now we've figured out a way to travel back and forth between the worlds-"

"Daddy's famous!" Wade jr. beamed.

"Cool. Glad it worked out." James said.

"Yes, yes, there have been many important scientific and cultural breakthroughs made thanks to my accidental visit." Wade said with a grin. "My favorite is the addition of the word asshat to our popular lingo."

James snorted while Piper cringed. "Asshat? Really?"

"Well, it's just I couldn't think of a term that suited the red demon more, you see." Wade explained. "I'm really very sorry about the way he imprisoned the two of you. It wouldn't have happened if I hadn't become involved."

"Oh, don't worry Wade. We get arrested all the time. We're kinda used to it." James waved his hand dismissively.

Wade smiled, relieved. "Well, if you ever find yourselves trapped in my world, seek me out. I'm in your debt, after all."

"Don't worry about it."

"Hey Wade, is it easy to travel between the two worlds?" James asked.

"Yes and no. It's not really that pleasant." Wade explained. "And we've only got a few minutes more before Wade jr. and I are to be pulled back."

"Oh." Before James could finish his thought, the two pigs started glowing and warping.

"Oops! Must be time then." Wade's voice sounded somewhat distorted. "Thanks again boys!"

"Bye!" Wade jr. called, before the two disappeared in a burst of light. Piper and James waved, then sat down on the bed.

"Well that was interesting." Piper noted. "What were you getting at anyway?"

"Hm? Oh, I was just gonna invite them to the poker game. I was wondering what the guys would say, that's all."

"Mm. Let's not mention our adventure with the talking pig too much, alright James?"

"Yeah…I guess that makes sense."

END


	5. Barry Not Being a Tool

**Barry Not Being a Tool**

_A/N: This fic resulted from an LJ prompt, as did all of the fics in this story. It's set during a Piper-centric story arc in the 330's of the Cary Bates Flash run. Since I'm getting Flamed by Barry fans, I felt it necessary to put in a disclaimer that this is all based on canon._

_

* * *

_

Barry was already running late for a meeting with his lawyer when his JLA communicator went off. Sighing, he zipped into a deserted alley to answer the call. "I'm busy. What is it?"

Hal's voice crackled over the line. "It's not urgent. Batman just showed us some of Central's headlines, and well…me and Ollie wanted to make sure you were okay. That's all."

"Okay? Sheesh. What are they reporting now?" Barry asked, wondering how things could get much worse.

"Um…says you manhandled one of your rogues pretty badly. Sent him into some sort of nervous breakdown or something." Hal said. "The papers have to be amping it up. I mean, they're making it sound like you're completely responsible...but there are some pretty unflattering quotes from you, and, well, we know you've been really stressed out with the trial and the museum thing and all the attacks, and I just wanted to remind you if you need to talk I'm here. Okay?"

Barry hung up on him. He wasn't sure exactly what Hal was accusing him of, but he knew he didn't want to deal with it just yet, not when he had his charming lady lawyer to go get chewed out by.

Sometime after his meeting with Miss Horton, Barry did manage to procure a few newspapers. His face fell.

"That's not how it…they-they completely left out the part about him almost killing me with sound imps! I mean, yeah, I destroyed his base with super speed, but no one whines when Superman junks one of Luthor's robosuits!" He balled up the paper and tossed it in the trash, then picked up another one. This one had quotes from him in it.

"'I'm not qualified to comment on the Pied Piper's present mental state, but one thing I do know from years of experience dealing with these erratic rogue criminals-they're all mentally warped! Anyone could look at their bizarre criminal records and see that.'" Flash sighed. "Well I'm not wrong, but saying it like that…Eurgh, I don't need this right now!"

* * *

Flash tried to push the episode from his mind and focus on his manslaughter case, but his thoughts kept circling back to what an asshole the media was portraying him to be. It's not that they were saying the Pied Piper was some kind of angel, but they weren't really mentioning his recent crimes, which had escalated to the point of flagrant attempted murder, the most obvious example being the mayor. If you took the local news version of the story, the Pied Piper was a confused young man in a silly costume that had been assaulted by the self righteous Flash while blatantly crying out for help.

Come to think of it, the escalated recent crimes weren't really Piper's style anymore than the cry-for-help BS. Barry had always been under the impression Piper stole for the adrenaline rush. He was clever enough not to get caught if he didn't honestly enjoy the spectacle. Barry had even traced some low level thefts to him upwards of six months after the fact, and had figured in those cases Piper had stolen things he actually needed, whereas the rest of the time he was seeking challenge.

'I guess it's a little easy to dismiss him as having been crazy all along. I mean, something had to be going on but…what if I did push him towards a breakdown?' After that he started feeling guilty.

Which was ridiculous! The man had been trying to _murder_ him! And when Flash had torn apart his base (with Piper inside, something else Barry was starting to regret) Piper had been having a drink to celebrate his supposed final defeat of the Flash.

He decided to swing by Breedmore Mental Hospital and check up on his rogue.

* * *

Since there was decidedly no way in hell the doctors were going to let his arch nemesis in for a visit, Flash hung by outside the hospital to wait for visiting hours to end, on the off chance Piper had any visitors anyway. He was just getting ready to sneak into the hospital when he saw a familiar face leaving, although James Jesse looked so different Flash almost didn't recognize him (plus he was surprised the Rogues were friendly enough with each other for visits-that seemed like a super hero thing to do, not something super villains would bother with).

Barry was used to the Trickster being bright, flamboyant and sporting a dazzling menacing smirk. Exiting the hospital in an olive green sweatshirt and black jeans, he looked nothing like his normally exuberant self-and it was also obvious he'd been crying.

Then Barry remembered something that he'd forcibly pushed out of his mind a couple years ago. He'd seen Trickster and Piper leaving what he'd assumed to be the scene of a crime with Trickster's air shoes and followed them, then found out to his dismay that he'd witnessed the end of a date…when he'd seen them making out.

They weren't still together…were they?

Shrugging it off, Barry snuck into the hospital and did a quick check of each of the rooms, so fast the staff didn't see him. He found Piper in a small room with a nice view of the city's skyline.

Piper was sitting on the bed in a johnny gazing in the general direction of the window, but it was pretty clear his eyes weren't focusing on anything. He was skeletally thin, even considering how small he'd been when Barry had last seen him just before his breakdown. The medical bracelet around his wrist was hanging loose, even though it had been pulled about as tight as it would go. His skin had a jaundiced look to it, and his orange hair hung loose and greasy in his face.

Flash stared at him, shocked to see him, well, honestly exhibiting the signs of a mental patient. Somewhere in the back of his mind he'd kind of thought the rogue had been faking it all to make him look bad.

"Hi Rathaway. Um…are you responsive?" He asked. He waved his hand in front of Piper's face. After a few waves Piper jumped, then edged back and almost fell off the bed.

"F-Flash…? Wh-what are-where's James?"

"James? Oh, Trickster. Yeah, I saw that he visited you tonight. That was, um, nice of him." Somehow he'd always expected them to refer to each other by their villain names.

"Oh…yeah, he…why are you here? You hate me. Where's James?"

"I don't _hate_ you." Barry assured him. 'Even if you are exceptionally skilled at being a pain in my ass'. "And I think James went home. Visiting hours are over."

"Oh…I can't go home with James?"

"N-no. Do you two…live together?" He asked.

Piper nodded. He looked down at his wringing hands. "We did, but then I, then I did some bad things and now I'm here. It's different, I don't normally go here, and they gave me some things and my head's fuzzy. I want to get the cotton out but I can't. They told me to stop trying." He pushed his hair back, revealing vicious looking scabs along his temple. Coupled with the dried blood under his finger tips, it was easy to guess how he'd tried to remove the cotton. "I miss James. I want to go home now. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You help people Flash. Can you help me, or am I too bad?"

"Hartley, you're here so the doctors can help you. You've done some really bad things," Barry said carefully, placing his hands over Piper's and squeezing, "but everyone here wants to help you so you can be good from now on. Okay? So just wait here for awhile and let the doctors help you, and then you'll be able to go home and see James again. And I'm pretty sure he's going to visit you as much as he can while you're here."

"Y-you think so?"

"It…looks like you guys care about each other." Weird. F-ing surreal, that.

"We do. I do. Okay, I can get better. I can be good now. Didn't really like being bad anyway. The doctors…they'll help. You said they'd help, right?"

"That's why they're here. That's why you're here too. Hartley, um, for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you towards this." Barry cringed, sure he wouldn't have the guts to say it again when Piper was in his right mind…if that even ever happened.

Piper smiled placidly at him and made a funny hand motion. Wait, was he blessing him? "You're forgiven Flasher. See? You're already helping me. I can be good now, just like you said. Just listen to the doctors."

Barry stood up and edged towards the door. "Well, I'll try to get in for another visit if I'm able, but I'm kinda busy lately. Good luck Rathaway."

He took off and ran a few laps around the world just to blow of some steam. The hospital had sincerely creeped the hell out of him, and the knowledge that he had another such visit to make in the future didn't do much for his nerves.

* * *

The next night Barry hid outside the hospital again and waited for visiting hours to end. As expected, James Jesse made his way sullenly from the building, wearing subdued colors once again. This time he got into his car but didn't start driving.

Which was annoying. Barry had wanted to tail him home so they could have a private chat. He walked over to the car and peered in through the window. James was curled up on the seat bawling his eyes out.

Very reluctantly, Barry tapped on the window. James looked up, paled, and went to start the car. So Barry zipped in to the passenger side and took the keys out of his hands.

James looked at his empty hands then looked over at Barry. "What? _What_? _**What the hell do you want from me?**_ Jesus H Christ on a pogo stick, I didn't do _anything _tonight! I mean yeah, I gave an alias when I visited Piper, but, but c'mon! _You took my boyfriend from me_! Can't you fucking leave me alone?"

"Got that out of your system Jesse?"

"You're an asshole."

"I deserved that. Trickster, I'm not here to hassle you." Barry promised.

"Well I feel hassled." James pulled a tissue out of his pocket and started wiping at his face.

"I'm sorry. Look, I just want to talk. About Piper…and, well, I'm sorry."

"…it wasn't just you." James turned and stared out the window, avoiding Flash. "I mean, shaking down his hideout all around him probably didn't help, but this has been building for a good long while. I…I tried to help him but…" He broke off and buried his face in his tissue. Barry reached over and touched his shoulder.

"In these cases there's only so much you can do. It looks like you've been very devoted to him. I don't think you should blame yourself."

James looked up to stare at him. "Who the hell are you tonight? We're still enemies, right?"

"Well, the next time you break the law I'm going to bring you in. But I'm not evil. I didn't enjoy seeing Piper in that state last night." Barry scowled. "And I certainly don't like being blamed for it."

"Yeah, I can see that. You visited him?"

Barry nodded.

"Huh. He mumbled something about that tonight, but I figured it was a hallucination. The meds they have him on, I mean geeze, it's like he's not even in there anymore. I…I miss him. And I just keep thinking, like what if I'm not strong enough to support him through this. I, I _know_ I'm not-"

"He had a breakdown Jesse, not a long standing condition. He'll recover eventually. You two have already been through a lot already, haven't you?"

"Y-yeah, I guess we have. So…you're really not here to arrest me?" James asked in blatant disbelief.

"…did you _do_ something?" Barry asked.

"N-no. Not tonight anyway." James gazed back towards the hospital. "I've gotta get going. I promised Piper I'd tape a few things for him, and I've gotta feed his pet rats and sort through some supplies he was going to bring down to the shelter before he…well, yeah, I've got some stuff I said I'd do for him. Um, thanks, I guess. It was good to get some of that out."

"Not a problem." Barry took his leave of the Trickster, but wasn't quite able to get the dejected look on his face out of his mind. He decided to go easy on him for a little while.


	6. After the Blackest Night

**After the Blackest Night  
**

Piper honestly hadn't expected to serve any time for his involvement in Inertia's death. His attack hadn't been lethal, after all, and it had been a defensive move. But he didn't want Cold to think he had leverage either.

Besides, after his traumatizing experience with Desaad he'd decided to change his life, be a real hero; _all the time._ No more making excuses for himself if things got tricky. And real heroes cooperated with the police. Real heroes didn't have anything to hide.

Unfortunately for Piper, the justice system in the twin cities wasn't particularly heroic. He gave his information on Inertia's death, was cleared of wrongdoing and found out he'd also been cleared regarding Bart Allen's death (since Kid Flash was alive again). Things were looking up. Then he'd been taken to Iron Heights anyway.

'Morillo and Chyre didn't look happy about it. Maybe they'll fight this. This has to be a mistake.' Piper thought, willing down the panic. He looked at the shackles on his wrists then up at the police officer escorting him in the back of the prison van. "Excuse me officer, um, they never told me what I'm being charged with. I-I thought I was cleared."

The officer looked at him blankly. "No talking."

Piper gritted his teeth. "Look, I have the _right_ to remain silent. That doesn't mean I _have _to. And I don't remember being read my Miranda rights either."

The guard smacked his nightstick against his gloves threateningly. "No talking." He repeated.

"I have a right to know what I'm being charged with!" Piper insisted.

* * *

Piper had to be dragged to his cell in the pipeline. He was tossed unceremoniously into the dank little room. The door scraped shut and locked with an ominous clash of metal. He hugged his fractured ribs and whimpered. 'What did I get myself into?'

So much for doing the right thing.

* * *

He was still in Iron Heights when the black lanterns attacked, awaiting a trial that would probably never come. Wolfe seemed plenty happy with the miscarriage of justice, at any rate.

Piper heard guards screaming as though from a great distance. He cracked his eyes open, which took some effort around the scabs and clotted blood, and pulled himself towards his cell door. He sat there listening to the sounds of the slaughter for a few minutes.

'I need to help. I…I can't even stand.' He slumped over, a humorless laugh tearing its way from his throat. If he hadn't turned himself in, not only would he be free (since there probably weren't any substantive charges against him) but he'd have the energy to be outside doing something to help with the current Crisis.

Eventually the guards stopped screaming. Despite the torture he'd endured, Piper had never wished the guards dead (well, maybe Wolfe if the death were creative enough…). 'I need to get out of here if I don't want to join them'. He realized. He was an easy mark for the monsters upstairs just sitting in the cell.

He didn't really know what had been attacking the guards, actually, but the noises he heard now sounded like tearing flesh and feeding. He didn't want to find out what was happening in any more detail if he could avoid it.

Piper mustered his strength and pulled himself to his feet. He was leaning heavily on the door as he inspected the lock, and his legs were screaming in pain, but he managed to keep his feet. He'd found a few thin scraps of metal in the debris amongst his filthy cell, probably shanks from the cell's former occupant. They made decent tools though, so after a few minutes of work he was able to get the lock open. He reached a problem though. The cell door was thick and heavy, and he was far too weak to move it.

He heaved against it with all his strength and nudged it less than an inch.

"Shit." Piper sat down to get his breath back. Maybe after a breather he'd be able to try that again.

* * *

"What now?" Evan asked. "We going back to the safe house yet?"

Len didn't answer immediately, staring at the desecrated bodies of his friends and sister. He shook himself, realizing the others were waiting for him. "Not yet. We've still got another zombie Rogue to deal with."

"But we don't know where Boomer the younger took the old dude." Axel pointed out. The kid looked like he was just about done. He'd hurled all his tech at the zombies and taken a good few hits with less whining than normal. Walker was still a far cry from having the original Trickster watching their backs, but he was coming along. Len decided he'd earned a rest.

"You guys head back to the base and regroup. I'll figure out where Owen took Digger's corpse, then we'll take care of it."

"Len…are you joining us?" Mark asked. "You should get that cut taken care of."

"I'm fine." He snapped. The others shrugged it off and hopped into one of Evan's mirrors for a well deserved rest. Len idly ran his fingers over the cuts on his face and chest. They'd probably scar, and then he'd have tangible reminders of how much he'd failed Lisa as a big brother.

He looked again at the dead Rogues, wondering why it was the heroes who got all the real resurrections and they were stuck with this zombie shit.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. Dillon had managed himself a few genuine resurrections, but Len had ended one of those with his own hand. And he'd damn well do it a second time if the asshole ever came after his Rogues again with his stupid head games.

Scudder. Christ, he really missed the first Mirror Master. Efficient, professional and no fucking drug addiction to worry about. He'd been a good friend, interesting to talk to. Imaginative, clever. He deserved a real resurrection.

And Roy Bivolo. Len had always figured the idiot would get himself killed with his attitude problem. If anything, he was surprised Roy had lived a villainous lifestyle as long as he had. Still didn't mean he was happy about it though.

Then there was James Jesse, the first Trickster. What a disappointment he'd been. Len had teamed up with Jesse before any of the other Rogues. They'd always been friends, even when Trickster had started going back and forth between sides. He'd remembered the Rogues, helped them out of that mess with Neron and still met with Len every now and then for drinks and reminiscing. But then there'd been that business with the FBI and the Rogue War. Len still didn't know what the hell that was about.

His eyes came back to Lisa, and he quickly looked away again. The cold grenade was in his hand. Freeze the place, and his old demons with it.

Then he heard the noises. Pained gasps, sobbing, shuddering breaths, and scraping noises. Len stowed the grenade, took out his cold gun and walked over to a stairwell door. He opened it and looked down, expecting a stray zombie.

Hartley was on the landing just under him. How he'd managed to drag himself that far was a mystery, but then the guy had always had an impressive amount of willpower. Len remembered initially dismissing the Piper as a spoiled rich kid, out for kicks. That impression had been quickly corrected.

Len shook his head. "Holy crap. Kid, you really turned yourself in, didn't you?" Sighing, he jumped down to the landing and hefted Hartley's abused body into his arms. "Don't you know, there isn't justice in these cities anymore."

"N-noticed." Piper ground out. "I can walk."

"Yeah, maybe, but you're not gonna." Len carried him to the main floor of the prison, and just before they made it to the exit he chucked the cold grenade behind him.

* * *

Piper slipped into unconsciousness sometime during his journey from the prison. When he next woke, sleep amnesia had muddled the events of the day a bit, to the point where he'd convinced himself Cold carrying him to safety was a delusion. He was probably still in Iron Heights, but in the infirmary if a particularly compassionate guard had found him.

Then he opened his eyes and locked eyes with the whited out lenses of a blue domino mask. He stared uncomprehendingly at the new Trickster, who scooted back and fell off his stool.

"Oof! Hey guys, the traitor's awake!" He called. Then Axel was smacked with the butt of a cold gun. "Ow!"

"Go do something useful kid." Len righted the stool and sat down at Piper's bedside. "Hey Hartley. Glad you're not dead."

"Th-thanks. That…really happened? At Iron Heights?"

"Yep." Len scowled. "We don't need to make a big thing of it. Just didn't want to leave you for dead out of respect for the past. Some of us Rogues still do that."

Piper leaned up on his elbows to get a better look at him. "If the Rogues still acted the way they did in the past, do you think I'd really care enough to bother with you?" He asked softly. "I wouldn't have tried keeping an eye on you if you were still just gimmick thieves."

"And what is it you and Jesse thought we were doing that made you bring the friggin' Feds down on us?" Len demanded.

"You started killing people."

"Under extreme circumstances." Len snarled.

Piper smiled sadly. "And what extenuating circumstances necessitated killing my parents? Or shooting Chunk in the chest?"

"That was different. I wasn't leading the Rogues then."

"But you're leading the Rogues that did it." Piper insisted. He leaned back against the makeshift sickbed and stared at the ceiling. "James and I may have changed, but so did you. Even though we chose different sides, we still respected each other. The Rogues threw the first punch."

Len stood up. "Just shut up and get some rest. I'm tossing you outta here as soon as you're strong enough to leave."

"Okay Len." Piper watched him storm out of the room. He couldn't help but notice he'd gotten under the man's thick skin.

* * *

Despite his best efforts, Len couldn't get Piper's observations out of his thoughts. He watched his friends, his teammates anyway, work on their tech and joke around, and he really thought about the change in them. Hell, when he'd first found Mark again, the guy had been attempting to kidnap his own son so a stranger could dissect the baby.

He shook his head. Okay, yeah, maybe they had changed. But dammit, the world had changed too. They were just adapting. It seemed like every time they fought a cape, the stakes were higher than they had been. Things couldn't go back to the way they'd been. If the Rogues tried to pull simple heists again, maybe with a few traps they knew the speedsters could get through, they'd be hauled to Iron Heights to be tortured by that sadist Wolfe. Maybe worse.

While Len sat on the couch at their safe house brooding, Axel snuck past him to go talk to the traitor.

"So, um, hi. Why are you here?"

"Excuse me?" Piper sat up in bed so he could get a better look at the kid. "I could say the same thing about you. I'm a little surprised the others let you in."

"They let me in cuz I'm mad skilled, not like your fairy ass-"

"They let you in to take falls." Piper realized. Axel's eyebrows scrunched up with confusion, just barely visible behind his mask.

"Whaddya mean?"

"You're a few years younger than I was when I started doing this, but I was the spoiled rich kid thrill seeker when I joined. Len let me in because he figured I was an easy set up with my determination to be villainous, but lack of experience committing crimes. He also figured in a worse case scenario I'd make a good hostage."

Axel frowned. "That's _so _not the case with me."

"It wasn't with me either. My parents were glad I was gone. But anyway, I ended up pulling my weight and the Rogues let me keep coming back. I'm guessing that's what happened with you. Unless you really think you're the only teenager who's ever stolen Rogue technology-"

"Hey man, I adapted it! Okay, I'm not just using the old dead guy's shit. I'm improving it." He folded his arms across his chest, the picture of wounded pride and determination. "I'll be a better Trickster than he ever was. What I don't get, though, is why we're babysitting you. You attacked us, like, way more than once. And these guys are kinda hard." A little bit of fear crept into his voice for that one. He warily looked around the room to make sure no one had heard him. "So I really don't get why we're bothering."

Piper shrugged, then winced as he pulled at one of his injuries. "I don't have an answer for you Axel. But you know, helping someone who's in trouble isn't something only a cape can do."

"Well yeah, but when a Rogue does it they're supposed to gain from it somehow. That's what Mark says anyway. It makes sense."

"Potential gain isn't always readily apparent."

"Potential…yeah, I guess that's true. Cold knows what he's doing, I'm sure. So, uh, while you're here, I was just wondering, um…could you tell me a little bit about the guy I'm replacing?"

Piper narrowed his eyes, sure he was being played somehow. "Why? Why do you care about James Jesse? I thought he was just an old man who lost his edge to you? Incidentally he was actually a couple years younger than me."

"Yeah, so a couple years younger than old." Axel returned. Piper smirked. "I dunno. I'm wearing his colors and using some of his stuff-hey, only _some_ of it's his! It just feels like I should know more about the guy than what he looks like when he's trying to kill me."

Piper nodded. "Fine. It's not like I have anything better to do. I can tell you some early Rogue stories."

* * *

The next round of resurrections were much kinder to the Rogues. A meteorite emitting suspicious radiation landed smack in the middle of Avernus, and when the formerly dead Rogues rejoined the living some sort of balance was restored.

Len and Roscoe had always butted heads in the past, but with Lisa around at the same time compromises had to be reached. She had the unique ability to smack them upside the head, tell them they were being stupid, and get them to talk things over. And they found they worked much better in tandem anyway.

Having his son around brought about a new side of Digger, especially since he and Owen had both cheated death. He was determined to be a better sort of criminal for his son

Sam had initially been moody about being out and out replaced. "Really guys, really? You just accepted the first junkie who stumbled on my tech? You know back in the day we had _some _standards."

"Yeah, land a hit on the Flash and you're in." Mark returned.

Still though, once Sam had seen the upgrades Evan made to his tech, he started coming around. He started bugging Len about better enforcement of the no drug rule though.

Roy brought back that air of ridiculousness to the group that had been sorely lacking since their ill fated outing with Blacksmith. Any time they started taking themselves too seriously he'd ride into the hideout on a beam of refracted light, ask if they could loot an art supply warehouse on the way back from their next heist, and the tension was instantly broken.

And then there were the reformed Rogues.

* * *

James was just about to knock on the door when he stopped himself, for the fifth or sixth time, and then jumped back down to the walkway in front of the house to start pacing again. He almost didn't notice the door open anyway, so preoccupied was he with an uncharacteristic amount of worry.

Piper stood in the doorway with his hands folded across his chest. "Super robot ears James. I can hear you dancing in my doorway even over the noise in my workshop."

"O-oh."

"Would you like to come inside?" He asked. James nodded. "So…welcome back to the land of the living."

"Yeah." James shrugged out of his coat and made his way to the living room. Piper sat down across from him and was instantly joined by a flock of defensive looking rats.

"Don't mind them." Piper said reassuringly, noting James' discomfort. "I've almost died myself a few times recently. They've become more protective."

"Ah. Well yeah, I figured we should probably talk about my death." He rubbed the back of his neck, looking exceptionally reluctant to do so.

"We don't have to if you'd rather not. I…I think I've mostly worked through my trauma in regards to that miserable time." Piper started petting one of the rats, and they relaxed a bit.

"I'm actually still a wee bit traumatized about how I, um, how I…"

"Jumped in front of me? I believe your last words were 'No, not him, not now.'" Piper avoided his eyes.

James swallowed. "Yeah. There was something I was kinda working up to talking to you about."

"That you're incredibly gay?"

James started. "Hey! Way to steal my big reveal!"

Piper laughed, surprised at himself. "Sorry, but you were a wee bit obvious. You know, once I had some time to stop and think about it. I've never seen such unnecessary defensive homophobia in my life."

James scowled. "I'm not gay anyway, you're only half right."

"Bi?" Piper guessed. James nodded.

"Yeah."

Piper smiled. "Well, welcome to the community. Um, I know it's going to take you some time to get your life back together, but once you're a little more settled we can hit up some bars or clubs or something, I mean if you're comfortable exploring that part of yourself that is. You'll have no trouble at all meeting men."

"Well…tempting though that is, I kind already got my eye on this really cute redhead. He's kinda dense though, so it might take me awhile to get anywhere with him."

"Do I know him?"

James snorted. "Really Hart?"


	7. Accidental Kidnapping pt 1

In a desperate bid to combat the downward swing in the economy and maybe change the city's image, Keystone City had constructed a massive new upscale shopping 'complex' (ie a mall) with fancy stores, fashionable interiors and, incidentally, quite a lot of banks and jewelers in a concentrated area. It was petty theft heaven and the Rogues broke in the first chance they got.

After hours they'd snuck in, rounded up the security guards and stashed them in a maintenance closet. At first they'd just played. Axel, Mark and Evan had decimated the toy store on the third floor, gimmicked up some Nerf guns and had a tournament, while Len and Mick raided the food court and watched the mayhem, sipping Orange Juliuses and munching on chicken Mcnuggets.

Then the Flashes showed up while the Rogues were dividing loot into stacks some hours later, but really they'd have been disappointed to pull a heist and not battle at least one of the nemeses at some point.

Unfortunately they got way more than one: the Central Flash, the younger Keystone Flash, Kid Flash, and even Impulse. It was like they'd come from a speedster cook-out or something! (Len thought they might all be related somehow, but Mick didn't believe it. He couldn't see anyone, even someone as thick as the Flash, throwing their own small children into battles, super powers or no).

Mick crouched behind a broken display case and listened to the sounds of the fight outside. It sounded like two speedsters and Mark. If he were a better friend he'd help, but if he were a better friend he'd be a better person, and if he were a better person he wouldn't be a Rogue.

One of the Flashes told the other one about a more pressing problem elsewhere, and suddenly they were down a scarlet dipshit as said dipshit teleported away. Mick peeked over the edge of the display case in time to see Mark blast the remaining speedster with a forceful enough gust of wind to send him crashing two floors up. Looked like the younger Flash. Mark followed after with a sadistic cackle.

Mick kicked the display case out of the way and swatted some dust off of the front of his costume. That's when he heard the whimpering.

He followed the sound of frightened sobs to a smashed glass shelving unit. Impulse was caught under the rubble, hugging a bloodied knee to her chest and crying. Mick cleared the rubble away and reached a hand to her, intending to check her injuries, but she flinched away.

"It's okay sweetheart, I'm not going to hurt you."

"I want m-my Daddy!" She sobbed.

Mick picked up one of the walkie-talkies the Rogues had acquired during the Nerf-battle. "Hey, anyone there?"

"Heatwave? It's bust, get the loot and get outta here." Len's voice crackled through the speaker.

"Cold? Are there any speedsters around?"

"Hope not! Now get your ass to the hideout!" The walkie-talkie crackled out. Mick frowned, staring at the shaking little girl. "I can't just leave her here…"

"I want my Daddy…" Impulse repeated. Mick bent over and carefully scooped her up. She immediately started screeching and flailing, so he tightened his grip.

"Calm down, it's okay! I'm not gonna hurt you! Uh, uh, here-" They were next to a candy store, so he reached over and smashed the front window with his elbow, dug around and pulled out a lollipop the size of her head. "Peace offering?"

"Are you going to take me to my Daddy?"

"Yeah, of course. But we gotta make a pit stop first and get you cleaned up kid. You're pretty banged up."

"Okay." She slung an arm around his neck and accepted the lollipop with the other. Sighing in relief, Mick carried Impulse from the mall.

* * *

Len did a quick head count as soon as he walked into the hideout. 'McCulloch, Mark, Axel…where's Rory?' "Anyone seen Heatwave?"

"Saw him near a jewelry case before I blasted Keystone-Flash into a different time zone." Mark answered smugly.

Len sat down on the love seat and upended a bag onto the coffee table. "He'd better have grabbed a good amount. I notice none of you are carrying sacks."

"I brought the Nerf guns." Axel chimed in defensively.

"And I got a sack of bills." Evan dropped a few handfuls of banded bills next to Len's bag. "And Mark took care of a speedster. We all pitched in."

"Right." Len looked a bit skeptical about Axel's contribution, but then toys were pretty much his gimmick. He let it go.

Then Mick finally made his entrance, carrying not a bag of loot, but a blood stained child super hero. Impulse was now contentedly licking an ice cream cone instead of a lollipop.

The other Rogues went quiet, staring in stunned disbelief as Mick set Impulse down on a soiled beanbag chair and started digging around for their first aid kit.

"You kidnapped the Flash brat!" Len finally yelled, the first to regain the power of speech.

"I didn't-"

"I was kidnapped? But you said you were gonna help me find Daddy."

"I am-"

"_Mick_! Why the hell would you bring a super hero brat here? We don't mess with their kids! _Do you know how dead we're gonna be when the Flashes figure out where she is?_" Len ranted.

Wide eyed, Axel started edging towards an exit, but Evan shot out a hand and held him in place. "Calm down Snart. Now that we got her, we can turn it to our advantage, can't we?" He asked.

"No. No-no-no-no, there is no way we're holding a sidekick hostage." Mark made an X with his fingers. "I tried that once. You hear me? _Once_. Never again!" He looked at Len. "If you don't get that kid back where she belongs I am leaving and I'm never coming back."

"Yeah, this is a kind of pissed off we don't need the capes to be." Len sat down heavily and put his head in his hands. "Thanks a lot Mick."

The Rogues all glared at him. Sighing, he found the first aid kit and crouched down next to Impulse. "Yeah, yeah, 'we're so dead', 'pissed off capes'. Look-there was a little kid bleeding and crying all alone in the mall. I couldn't just leave her."

"I walked away no problem." Axel countered.

Mark thwapped him over the back of the head. "If you saw her, you should have tried to lead a speedster to her. They'd still blame us for it if she died while taking us in."

Impulse watched them all with some amusement, making a mess of her face and uniform as the melty ice cream dribbled over her. She flinched when Mick started rubbing an antiseptic onto her knee through the rips in her costume. "What's that gunk?"

"Medicine for your cuts."

"What cuts?" Impulse looked at him curiously.

"The cuts on your knee. Where all the blood's coming from, um…was coming from? Your knee _was _all bloody before!"

"Yeah, _was_. I'm a speedster. I heal quick." Impulse explained, taking another lick from her cone. "See? No more cut anymore." She stretched out the hole in her uniform to show the healthy pink skin. Mick was earning more death glares than ever. "And look what else I can do!" She tossed the ice cream cone into the garbage, closed her eyes and, with a crackle in the speedforce, generated a new costume, ice-cream and blood free.

"You compromised us for nothing. The brat's fine!" Len bellowed.

"I didn't know that when I took her!" Mick insisted. "She was crying and screaming for her Daddy!"

"Then you should have left her for her Daddy!"

"Mark just said he blasted the guy into a new time zone." Axel pointed out.

Impulse's expression turned stony. "Who hurted my Daddy?" The Rogues all glanced toward Mark. Impulse ran at his knees and knocked him over. She skidded around and came to a stop just in front of him. "You're mean, and ugly, and nobody likes you! Leave my Daddy alone."

Axel smirked. "Hey, he hurt your Dad too! And so'd he!" He pointed to Evan and Len in succession. Irey geared up for another run but Mick scooped her up again and put her on his shoulders piggy back style.

"That's enough of that. Look Impulse, we've probably all beaten up your Dad before, but he's beaten us up a lot too. Call that even?" Mick asked.

"I guess. For now."

"Okay good. So if you're feeling better then can't you just run home now?" Mick asked.

"Um…I could but I don't know where I am. I had a real hard time keeping up with Daddy and B-um, and my cousin and everybody when I went to fight crime before, and I wasn't paying attention. I think I'm lost."

"Impulse. Did they know you were going with them to the mall?" Len asked.

She shook her head. "I wasn't a'posed to go. But I wanted to help. And if I have a costume and everything then I think it's really mean of them to leave me behind all the time."

"By the way, so called them being related."

"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in."

Len sighed, rubbed at the bridge of his nose, and then started pacing, thinking to himself. "Okay…okay maybe we can just leave her at the police station or something and they can get in touch with the Flashes?"

"I nominate Mick." Mark snapped.

"Second!" Axel said, waving his hand.

"All in favor say Aye." Evan said.

"Aye." Chorused the Rogues.

"Nay!" Mick said. "Come on, walking up to the police station with her is like _asking_ to go to Iron Heights!" They silently glared at him. He sighed, defeated.

"Should have left her at the mall." Axel said. He flopped onto the love seat and turned on the TV. "Uh, guys, one of the Flashes is giving a press conference."

The Rogues all gathered around the TV, Impulse still perched on Mick's shoulders. "Hey! That's my Daddy!" She beamed.

"Ssh!"

"So to repeat, if anyone has information on the whereabouts of Impulse or the present location of the Rogues, please contact the Central or Keystone PD. And if you scumbags are watching this, if you think going after our kids is funny you've got another thing coming. You're going to be _eating through a tube_ in a cell on the Watchtower after me and my friends in the League get through with you! You're going to _beg _for the sweet release of-" Detective Morillo pulled the Keystone Flash away from the microphone and the news abruptly switched from the press conference to prerecorded coverage of the mall robbery.

The Rogues paled.

"He called in the Justice League already?" Mark said in stunned disbelief.

"We're boned. We are so freaking boned." Axel shook his head, wide eyed with fear.

"But Daddy just said I need to go to the police station. Don't you guys know where it is?" Impulse asked.

"Kiddo, right now the police stations are going to be swarming with people who want to make us feel a lot of pain." Mick explained.

"Oh. But it was just a mistake. You didn't really kidnap me, you were trying to help me."

"Can you say that to your Daddy at superspeed before he punches our teeth out?" Len asked.

"Uh…nope."

"Okay then. Impulse, you are officially a guest of the Rogues until the heat is off and we can bring you to the police station." Len decided.

"Okay. Can I have another ice cream?"


	8. Accidental Kidnapping pt 2

**Accidental Kidnapping Pt 2**

Impulse was content as long as her second ice cream cone lasted. After that she was on a bit of a sugar high, and the Rogues discovered just how annoying they found the presence of a hyper child in their hideout.

"What's this do? That's boring-is that your cold gun? Could you make it shoot snow cones if you wanted? Wow, your TV's not very good. Mine is at least twice as big and it's all flat in back. If you're all bad guys can't you steal good stuff? It's all junky in here. Can I have more ice cream?"

"No!" Len yelled. "To everything! Go play with Trickster."

"Hey, why me?" Axel whined.

"You're the one with the toys. Amuse the kid and keep her quiet."

"My Auntie really likes the quiet game, but I think it's boring. You just don't say anything for as long as you can, and if you win you get a dollar even if the loser only lost because she had to go to the bathroom and she didn't know where it was so she _had_ to ask-"

"Impulse, do you like video games?" Mick asked. She nodded eagerly. "Great! Axel's got a whole bunch he'd love to show you."

"Hey! I don't-" The other Rogues glared at him. "God damn seniority blows. Alright brat, I'll pull out the Playstation-"

"I like Wii."

"That's because you're stupid. The PS is so much better than the Wii."

"Wii has Mario. I'm Toad. I wanna be Toad, but not Toadette. I'm always Toad, and Daddy's Luigi and Mommy's Peach and my brother is Dry Bones. I wanna play Wii."

Axel scowled. "We're playing the PS!"

"But I wanna play Wii!"

"Axel, that ain't quiet! Play the damn Wii!" Len barked.

"Fine." Grumbling to himself, Axel hooked up his Wii and dug out a copy of Mario Party.

Impulse walked up to Mick and tugged on the leg of his pants. "Are you gonna play with us?"

"No sweetie, we've gotta plan how we're getting you home. But you and Axel have fun."

"But I wanna play with you. Just for a little bit? Please?"

"Len, she's giving me the puppy dog eyes."

Len shook his head. "You're pathetic. Fine, play the damn game."

"Cool. I call Mario."

"Y'know, it is actually a really fun game," Mark chimed in hopefully. Len glared at him. "Waluigi!" He bailed the planning session for the sofa and the video game.

Len taped his fingers angrily against the poker table. "Where's McCullouch?"

"Mr. Mirror Man's been in the bathroom for a long time," Impulse informed him. "Maybe he's got the wet poopies or something. He might need the yucky pink medicine."

Len slammed his head against the table.

* * *

A good chunk of the day passed with the Rogues entertaining their accidental guest. After a couple rounds of Mario Party they took out the Nerf guns and some super soakers. Then they had another ice cream fix, followed by some cartoons and real food (at Len's insistence). Impulse finally tuckered out and curled up on the bean bag chair with a spare Captain Cold parka as a blanket.

As soon as she was asleep, Len pulled up Flash's press conference on youtube and glared at the Rogues. "Can we please discuss business now? How are we getting rid of the brat?"

"Don't call her a brat!" Mark snapped. "I happen to think Impulse is a charming young lady. She speed read my Mark Twain volume so she could talk about it with me."

"Forgot half of it and didn't understand the rest," Mick muttered. "But yeah Snart, I don't see the rush in ditching her. She's kinda fun."

Len played the part where Flash talked about making them eat through a tube. "We can't keep her."

"She'd make a good mascot…" Axel trailed off.

"_We. Can't. Keep. Her_."

Evan fiddled with a mirror gun, an exceptionally reluctant sigh escaping him. "I think I can get her into a police station without getting nabbed myself. If I keep a good watch, make sure there isn't a speedster in the room and then book it as soon as she's out of the mirror-"

"Great, let's do that," Len said with a nod.

"But they might be watching for me. I've already checked, and the reflective surfaces in the stations have decreased significantly. If I get caught I want your word you'll bust me out within the hour."

"We'll arrange something," Len promised.

"Okay. I'll get the girl and be off then."

"Do you guys have to leave, like, right now?" Axel asked. Len fiddled with the computer again and played the part about the Justice League making them beg for a sweet release. "I know, I know…but I promised we'd have a rematch at Mario Party."

"She kicked your ass twice. You really need to make it three?" Mark snickered.

"Shut up. She got lucky! And Mick was helping her."

"Yep," Mick agreed.

"She had a poem she was going to recite for me too," Mark added. "She memorized it for an assembly at school, and her Dad was supposed to come see it, but he was busy fighting me so he missed it. I said I'd listen to it for her after supper but she fell asleep."

"She looks so peaceful. We don't _need_ to wake her now, do we?" Mick asked.

"Really?" Len stared at them in disbelief.

Evan shrugged. "I'm not exactly eager to go running to the cops. We can wait till morning."

* * *

When Impulse woke up from her nap she recited her poem for the Rogues, but she fell asleep again during her rematch with Axel (he was hit upside the head when he tried to claim it as a victory). She was snoozing contentedly cuddled up between Mark and Mick, who didn't want to move and risk waking her up.

The night was winding down pleasantly enough for the Rogues right up until Superboy flew threw the roof and Kid Flash crashed through the back wall of the hideout.

"Found 'em!" Kid Flash yelled into a communicator.

"Shit!" The sleepy Rogues stumbled around for their weapons, but Krypto the super dog zipped around, fetched them, and deposited them at Superboy's feet.

"Good dog."

Krypto growled, a faint red light shining in his eyes. The Rogues backed into a corner, terrified. And then the decimated hideout filled with irate speedsters.

Impulse was lying forgotten on the couch, blearily rubbing at her eyes. She peered around the room and saw her new friends being bullied by her friends and family.

"Hey! Leave them alone!" She darted between Krypto and the Rogues, fixing the super heroes with an angry pout.

"Oh God, Princess! You're okay!" Her dad ran forward and scooped her up, hugging her fiercely.

"Daddy, let me go! I need to talk to you! Don't hurt my friends."

"Sweetie, these are very bad men and they need to go to jail-"

"They helpded me though. Mr. Heatwave saw me crying and he was gonna help me find you, but he took me here to get me a band aid and then the TV said you were gonna hurt them, so, so they waited to plan something. And they took good care of me while we waited too."

"Weather Wizard made her brush her teeth!" Axel put in. "Nice doggy…"

"C'mon Flash, you've fought us for years. We've never gone after kids before. This was a mistake." Len turned to look at Mick. "A really _stupid_ mistake."

Jesse Quick caught Flash's eye. "It's your daughter. Your call." Kid Flash nodded his agreement.

He looked like he wanted to be angry, but Impulse gave him the puppy eyes. "Oh fine. One free pass. But I don't want you guys messing with my family ever again!"

"What kind of father puts his seven year old in spandex to begin with!" Mick yelled.

"And misses her assemblies just to beat me up!"

"Yeah! If you're gonna take her out to fight crime you could at least keep an eye on her!" Axel shouted.

Krypto growled again and the Rogues went silent.

Flash gave Impulse another hug and then started for the exit. Hesitantly, he looked over his shoulder at the Rogues. "Thanks for keeping her safe."

A WEEK LATER

"Alright guys, security's going to be tough so pay a-what the hell?" Len looked up from the blue prints, startled to see the Flash walking into their new hideout with Impulse holding his hand.

She had a backpack and a sleeping bag.

"Hi guys. Impulse has been talking nonstop about her visit with you and she just won't stop begging for another."

Mick, Axel and Mark pushed out of their chairs and ran over to say hi.

"Guess what Weather Wizard? My teacher wants me to do a special report on Mark Twain! Will you help me?"

"Of course! I'll go get my books."

"This time I am so kicking your butt at Mario!"

"Bring it on Tricksy man!"

Len glared at the Flash. "We're your enemies, not your baby sitters."

"Your cohorts seem to disagree," Flash pointed out.

"Where the hell's McCullouch? He'll back me."

"He's in the bathroom again," Axel said.

"Son of a-"

"So she's got a lunch and some videos packed in there. My wife would like it if you guys went light on the sugar, but I can take her for a run to burn the energy off before we get home so it doesn't really matter. She's allergic to bee stings, but she's got her epi pen, and if you play outside make sure she puts on sunscreen. I'll be back at seven."

"But Daddy that's only four hours!"

"It's not a school night. Can't she stay till eight?" Mark whined.

Flash smiled. "Seven thirty. Be good Princess." He kissed his daughter goodbye and took off.

Evan stumbled his way over to the poker table and sat down across from Len, a distant expression on his face. "What'd I miss?"

"…Len, are you growling?"

END


	9. That's Not How It Works

Piper gaped at Mark for almost a full minute while he smugly sipped his beer. Then Piper shoved his index finger in his mouth and bit down, because he wasn't going to be able to stop laughing if he started. But, but...

He gave up, and almost fell off the barstool with the force of his laughter. Mark's brow wrinkled with confusion. "What's so funny?"

"S-sorry," Piper gasped, struggling to regain his composure. "It's just so...so something you would say. Mark, I'm not gay because I'm bad with women. I'm gay because I'm _gay_. I'm actually pretty good at picking up girls-unintentionally of course."

"Oh yeah?" Mark didn't look like he believed him. "Prove it."

"No. I don't care if you believe me, and I don't like leading girls on."

Mark looked annoyingly smug and satisfied. "Knew you were just being lazy," He said in a superior tone. "I know it takes effort, but trust me Piper, girls are definitely worth it."

Piper slammed down his glass, got up, and approached a table of girls Mark had been admiring earlier in the evening. "Excuse me ladies, I'm very sorry to bother you, but I've just gotten into an argument with a friend of mine and I was hoping you'd arbitrate for me."

Two of the girls raised their eyebrows, one of them giggled, and the fourth looked intrigued. "Sure."

Piper waved Mark over. Bewildered, he crossed the bar to join them. "Right. Ladies, if I were heterosexual and I asked any of you out, without bad pickup lines or anything cheesy or pervy or otherwise degrading, would you be interested?"

The assertive girl looked him over, sizing him up. "Easy on the eyes and enough brain cells to string a sentence together...yeah, I'd give you a shot."

"Me too," the giggly one agreed.

"No bad pickup lines? Aw, I'd say yes anyway."

"Plus he's got proper hygeine on his side," the last girl added. "I'd totally date you. Sure you're not heterosexual?"

"Positive," Piper said with a grin. He turned to Mark with a look of triumph. "See? I'm not gay because I'm bad with women. I just like men."

The first girl looked at Piper again, while the rest of the table burst into laughter. Then the girl finally handed Piper a slip of paper. "I like you. Assuming you're not taken, you should ask my brother out."

Piper looked down at the phone number. "Cool. What's your brother like?"

Mark let out an exasperated noise and stalked off to sulk.

_SOME TIME LATER_

Mark was still alone at the bar after some failed pick up lines, while Piper was off socializing with the table full of hot women. Every now and then Mark glared daggers at Piper, who didn't seem to notice as he joined in on their gossip and helped two of them pick up guys.

Mark was furious. Piper had no business hooking the hot women up with men who were not him. He finally reached his breaking point and left the bar in a huff.

Piper caught up with him in the parking lot. "You almost forgot your designated driver," Piper said, holding out Mark's car keys.

Scowling, Mark snatched the keys away from him. "You know, I didn't think it was possible, but you're actually a worse wingman than Digger! Least he only sucks so bad because...because...becase he's-"

"Repellant?" Piper suggested.

"Yeah! But you know better! Wha's your excuse?"

"You pissed me off," Piper said simply. "Now let me drive so you don't wrap your car around a light post."

"Fine, fine. But you're never being my wingman again."

"I'm overjoyed at the prospect."

Still sulking, Mark climbed into the passenger side while Piper slid in and started the car. "It's your fault I'm not getting laid tonight," Mark informed him.

Piper rolled his eyes. "No, it's entirely your fault. Chloe actually liked you until she caught your misconception about gays. Then the girls wrote you off as stupid."

"You could have corrected them."

"Right, but you pissed me off. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to drop you off and find some company for myself before last call."

Mark turned in his seat and considered Piper. He really wasn't that bad looking. Mark had always kind of wondered why he'd given up on women. A new possibility occurred to him. If you played for the other team, was Piper...a catch?

"Everything alright Mark?" Piper asked, not sure if he liked the contemplative expression his inebriated companion wore.

"Is gay sex really as good as normal sex?" Mark asked.

Piper frowned. "Obviously I think it's better."

"Huh...you ever tried normal sex?"

"Nope. Made out with a girl in highschool once though. Wasn't my thing at all."

"So you don't really know then," Mark decided.

That annoyed edge was creeping back into Piper's voice and posture. "Look, I know what's true for me, okay? I mean, by your logic you can't know for sure what you prefer either, since you've never had sex with a man."

Mark turned that over in his mind, then considered Piper some more. Thick auburn hair, nice complexion, pretty eyes, unfortunate nose, but otherwise quite attractive. Yeah, he was definitely a catch for the other team.

"You're right. Let's have sex."

"No," Piper answered without missing a beat.

Mark wasn't sure he could take many more blows of this kind to his ego. "Whaddya mean no? I _know _I'm hot."

"Yes you are," Piper said in a placating tone. "But there's more to sex than attraction, which is why I've never hit on you. Plus you're drunk."

"So?"

"So no. We're at your house. If you're still bicurious in the morning feel free to give me a call. Otherwise I'll stick with gay men for hookups."

Still feeling a bit insulted and pouty, Mark took his keys back and stumbled out of his car. He started for his house, but turned around and determinedly marched over to Piper, who was getting into his own car.

Mark grabbed Piper by the shoulders, pulled him close, and hungrily kissed him. Piper responded, and when Mark broke the kiss both men were panting. He smiled cockily at his friend and seductively arched an eyebrow, feeling like hot shit indeed.

"No," Piper said, still breathing heavy. "Go sleep it off."

Scowling, Mark went inside and slammed the door.

Piper put a hand to his lips, thoughtful.

The next morning, when his phone didn't ring, he wasn't _surprised_...but he was disappointed.


End file.
